Puppies, Raisins, and Tears: The Gamecube Story
by N64 Man
Summary: How gamecube came to be. You'll find out eventually. Promise.


"Raisins and Puppies: The Story of Gamecube" This is some strange fic I thought of about what happens when they try to make a Mario game. please RR *David's Beta would like to take the time to dedicate this fic to Mitch, AKA El Stinko Tato for the hours of cruel entertainment he provides to her, Crystal, and others. And oh yeah, I think there's a spiderclown on your shoulder. Rock on, bud.*  
  
Mario and his friends sat around a huge oak table, trying to figure out what the next Mario game should be. "I'm glad you all came, did you all bring a lunch?" Toad asked, polishing his apple on his shirt. "mmm ... shiny..." Waluigi's mind began to turn. Where was his lunch? His lunch was not here. If his lunch was not here, it could not be eaten. Therefore, he had no lunch. Which was bad. It created the problem of low blood sugar. "I forgot mine," he whined. "Then too bad," Toad said, eying him suspiciously and clutching his beloved apples. His lunch was not here. He had gone over that. But there were raisins under the table. Raisins which could be eaten. Eaten to correct the problem of low blood sugar. Hmmm... "*My raisins!*" yelled Waluigi as he plunged under the table. Everyone stared at Waluigi. Wario became suspicious. Wario had raisins. He should check his bag. If the raisins weren't in there, he was no longer in possession. The raisins would belong to Waluigi, which Waluigi would eat, leaving Wario raisinless... yes... But he would check later. "Okay, I have an idea for a game. We have Mario tennis, Mario golf, Mario party, Mario everything," Mario proposed. "The Tony Hawk games were a success. Let's try Mario Skateboarding!" "I'm too short," said Toad. "I'm too fat," said Wario. "Kkk... Wheeled stick of the devil!" hissed Peach. "C'mon, just try it!" Mario lead everyone outside to the makeshift skateboarding ramp he had stayed up all night making. "Doesn't this look like fun?" Mario attempted a 50/50 grind, jumping on the bike rack and sliding across with grace. "See? It's easy!" "Lemme try! Lemme try!" yelped Wario, pushing through the crowd. Wario jumped up on the rail, and promptly fell off, hitting his, erm, most valuable part, on the way down. Wario's voice became squeaky and high. "Mario... I don't wanna skateboard anymore!" "I have an idea! Let's do a sequel!" cried Luigi. "No! Sequels suck. Let's do a new game!" said Mario. "Sequel!" "New game!" "Sequel!" "New game!" Luigi took a swing at Mario's head, Mario ducked and kicked Luigi in the gut. Mario poked Luigi. Really hard. Soon a dust cloud engulfed the two, and when it had settled, both lay unconscious on the floor. "Mario... wake up... wake up... I'm hungry..." said Toad. "Luigi! I want a sandwich! Give me a sandwich..." "It's not working..." said Peach. "Mario! Luigi! Bowser just donated $8000 dollars in stolen loot to the orphanage!" screamed Peach. "What? We've got to save those children!" Mario jumped up. "Meeeh..." said Luigi, at least showing signs of life. "Yay! They're awake! Sandwich, sandwich!" Toad began to chant, raising his fist in the air. "What he means is," Peach began, "That we've been bickering for 3 hours straight. It's time for lunch." "Saaaaandddwiiicch..." Toad said, pigging out on the apples, saying good bye to each one personally before they "met their maker." Mario pulled out a gigantic mushroom, Peach had an orange and a diet coke, Luigi had dried pasta and a Pepsi twist, Waluigi pulled out his little packet of raisins. Wario felt through his lunch, pulling out a bomb omb, and feeling the hole in his bag where the raisins were supposed to be. *Wait... that means I have no raisins. The raisins are no longer mine. They are in the procession of Waluigi, who will eat them, making sure that I cannot...* Wario jumped out of his seat and tackled the traitor. "Gimme my raisins!" he yelled, as yet another cloud of dust began to rise. 5 minutes later the dust had settled and the raisins were lying between the two unconscious men. "Where are my raisins?" Wario asked, waking up from his stupor. "Um... Toad got kinda hungry, and, uh, well, he ate them." "Nooo!" the two screamed in unison. "No, no, don't kill Toad. We need him for the next game," commanded Mario. "Let's put the raisins behind us for now." "And when we are finish we shall cut open Toad and retrieve the raisins before they are digested!" Wario pounded his fist on the table. "What?" asked Toad. "Oh well, I must eat my bomb omb now." "No Wario! They're not edible." "Sure they are! They taste just like chicken..." Wario took a big bite, the bomb omb exploded and sent him flying into a tree. "Wario" every one yelled at once. "Wario are you really unconcious?" asked Toad. Luigi took a big stick and poked Wario in the eye. "Yep he's unconcious," Luigi said. He pokes him in the eye some More. "Ha, hey look! I killed Wario!" " No you didn't Luigi we all know you couldn't even kill me," laughed Peach. "I'LL SHOW YOU!!" yelled Luigi jumping on the picnic table with a knife. Peach threw Luigi up in the air and then right before he hit the ground gave him a big kick in the bum. "See?" said Peach mockingly. "Any way I have an idea for a game," said Peach. "MARIO MAKE OVER!" she exclaimed proudly. Everybody fell out of their seats. "What kind of a stupid idea is that!?" cried Waluigi. Wario woke up hearing the sound of the idea. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Well, at least I *had* an idea," Peach muttered ruefully. Bowser appeared out of nowhere. "What kind of stupid idea is that? I came as soon as I heard of that awful plan. Bonk of shame! And just for having that idea, I fart in your general direction! And conquer your homes as part of my mighty empire" "Well if you fart you'll explode," said Toad. "No, I won't. The three natural components of fire are fuel, heat, and oxygen. With no heat, I cannot combust! BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!" "I don't think you want to conquer my home." began Luigi, "I live in a cardboard box. It rained last night so it's kinda soggy. It *used* to be the nicest one in hobo alley, though. Tee hee! Look at me! I'm a suburbanite! I worship potatoes... I like to eat rocks. My name is Mitch! I live in an igloo!" "But you just said---" "You dissin' my igloo?" "Then I shall conquer your picnic table, and make it mine!" Bowser cried. "If you do, the park rangers will just make you give it back!" yelled Mario. "Oh no they won't! I shall hypnotize them with my flashy dance moves, and soon they shall do my biddings!" Mario blew a sharp whistle. Two park rangers marched in, throwing a net over Bowser. "No! What is this contraption that keeps me so tangled?" "It's call a net, stupid," Toad muttered. "This net shall burn under my power!" Bowser blew fire at the net, attempted to free himself. Ironically, it melted to his skin. "I'm suing you for sexual harassment!" roared the beast. "I'll call Sexual Harassment Panda! I'll show you all!" "Isn't he Pete the Don't Sue People Panda now? You'll make him a sad panda. You don't want to make him sad, do you?" asked the park ranger calmly. "No sir..." Bowser whispered humbly. "Then I'm calling Baby Bowser." "Then I'm calling Don't Turn on a Giant Fan While Holding a Magnet Falcon!" screeched Waluigi. Everyone gaped at Waluigi. "What? You would have done the same." "I thought Baby Bowser was in the big house for scorching a Radio Shack in Horror Land," Peach shrugged. "It wasn't his fault, anyone who ever bought merchandise from there would feel the same." Toad gently picked at a piece of green peeling paint on the table. "Any way I have an idea for a game." Luigi stood up and tapped his water glass. "That's what we're all here for, right? How about... MARIO TENNIS 2!" shouted Luigi triumphantly. "Luigi, didn't I tell you not to scream in Wario's ear?" whispered Mario softly, watching Wario, who was withering in pain. "Yea," whimpered Luigi. "Now Luigi, you know we have too many sequels. We need a fresh idea," Peach said persuasively, patting his back. "I guess. But what else are we gonna do? Remember Mario Fancy Pants Factory?" said Luigi. Everyone nodded in agreement, remembering the infamous game. "I got yer idea..." said Bowser. "MARIO GUN WAR!" "No, that's too inappropriate. We can't have an M or Adults Only game, it would just be wrong!" Toad protested. "FINE! I'M CALLING MY AGENT! I'M LAWSUIT HAPPY! YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF BOWSER!" yelled the insane beast as a cloud of sickly smelling smoke appeared. The smoke faded, and the group could hear his mad laughing. He was still there. "Uh oh. I need a drink," Bowser sighed, plodding to his ancient Chevy. Everyone watched as Bowser's old jalopy slowly puttered into the background. "Okay, I have another idea, I think..." Luigi started. "I think we should have... Mario Wrestling!" "Like... with chairs? That we smack people with?" asked Peach, with a disgusted tone. "Barbarians. Vandals. Visigoths. Bah." "I don't like wrestling... there clothes are too tight." Waluigi shuddered. "I don't like wrestling. I'm not saying it's fake, all I'm saying is that wrestling is fake. And I'm not a fake person. I'm just rather sadistic," Mario said with a little shrug. "Damn fakes." "Okay! Fine!" Luigi threw up his hands. "Then someone else can find an idea." Everyone stared at Waluigi. "I like puppies," he said with a hopeful smile. "Yes, that's great, people like puppies... But we need an idea for a *game*," Peach said slowly, the most patient one of the group. "Oh! I got an idea for a game!" Waluigi said, for he was quite hungry. He had not eaten lunch, just two raisins, which could barely suffice for a lunch. So he said without thinking, "Mario Raisin Hunt!" Everyone else huddled into a little circle, mumbling to each other. Waluigi could only hear incoherent mumbles. He gave himself a pep talk. *Good, I like the puppies, but some people are allergic. How about cookies? Everybody likes cookies. Except for people on diets. But lots of people like fuzzy things. And pants. People like pants. Big pants, small pants, pants who climb on rocks...* Suddenly Toad jumped up in the air and fell on his back. This was a sign of great honor. This ritual meant that they had accepted Waluigi's idea. Mario pulled out his cell phone and called the game company. Lo and behold, a few years later, Mario and the gang were able to lay eyes upon the long awaited Mario game... Raisin Hunt! On the cover was Waluigi jumping up with a bunch of raisins in his right hand. Even though Waluigi seemed to be the only one who liked the cover, they popped it into the Nintendo system and tried it out. They all loved it, the graphics were good, the controls were good, the plot needed work, but hey, what can I say? It's Mario, people will buy it. So they put it on the market. Everyone bought it and tried it out... it was a failure. The company lost great amounts of money, almost went bankrupt, and were forced to release their latest project, the long awaited Gamecube, prematurely. Luckily, it was put on the market right in time for the Holiday Season. So it all worked out in the company was saved. But the company blamed the financial disaster on Waluigi, and they still do today. ~**~The End~**~ 


End file.
